


if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong

by philindas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, she’d fantasized about this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little fic that is set post-season/aou (but obviously has no true spoilers, just my own speculation). Title from She is the Sunlight by Trading Yesterday.

Once upon a time, she’d fantasized about this. Peeing on a stick, anxious and terrified, waiting the two required minutes, flipping it over to reveal a bright blue plus sign. Realizing her suspicions were correct.

But that fantasy was nearly a decade old, with a different man, in a different time. Not when she was nearing fifty, had only been in a relationship for less than three months, and was in the middle of the equivalent of a warzone. Was she even fit to bring a baby into this world? She’d been ready to be a mother before Bahrain, and while she’s certainly healed since then, she didn’t know if she was mother material.

But even as she thought it, she knew she wanted this. Wanted this baby, as unbelievable and terrifying as it was. She let her hand fall to her stomach and felt her eyes burn slightly before she blinked back tears, swallowing. She had to tell Phil.

She stood, wrapped the test in toilet paper and shoved it down into the trashcan; she washed her hands and splashed water on her face before looking at herself in the mirror. Did she look different? She looked the same to herself; tired and worn out. She didn’t think she was glowing, like books always described pregnant women- honestly, if Maria and Nat hadn’t made a comment about how much she’d been eating lately, she wouldn’t have thought anything of it. Then, she’d gotten nauseous from the scent of Hunter’s aftershave, to the point where she’d thrown up in the kitchen, and she’d noticed her breasts had grown tender- to the point where at times they were almost painful to the touch.

She hears the bedroom door open and shut, and knows Phil has finished for the night; she takes a deep breath before she dries her face and steps into the bedroom.

He’s already lost his tie, and is halfway through the buttons of his shirt, the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms; he looks up when she walks in, his face creasing into a smile at the sight of her. Her heart twists in her chest, and she offers him a half smile as she moves to the bed, turning down the sheets.

His hands are warm as they touch her hips; she sinks into his touch, leaning back into his chest, eyes closing as she sighs softly.

“Hi,” he whispers into her ear, breath warm on her skin as he presses a kiss to the nape of her neck, arms encircling her.

“Hi,” she whispers back, voice a little thick as he presses another kiss just below her ear. “I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?” he asks as she slips out of his arms, moving to sit on the bed; he sits beside her, concern shading his face. “Melinda, what is it?”

She looks at him for a long moment, searching his face; her voice catches in her throat when she tries to talk, and she swallows before speaking again. “I’m pregnant, Phil.”

He freezes beside her, mouth half-open, and she lowers her gaze to her knotted fingers in her lap. “I know you never wanted this life and I’m so sorry- we’ve been careful and I should be almost past the age where this happens anymore anyway, but I took a test and I’m terrified and I know this wasn’t something you wanted but I- I think I do.”

She’s crying by the time she’s finished and she can’t even look at him; she puts her face in her hands and tries to pull herself together, but everything is so overwhelming she can’t stop. For the first time she realizes she might have to do this on her own, and that thought is the most terrifying one she’s had all day.

She feels his hands on her arms after a few moments, and she realizes he’s moved to kneel in front of her; she wipes at her eyes, opening eyes to see him before her, blurry through the tears that haven’t fallen yet. She swallows, her words coming out in a shaky whisper. “Phil I don’t want to do this by myself.”

“What makes you think you’ll have to?” he asks, voice breaking slightly. “Why do you think I wouldn’t want this?”

“You’ve always said you chose SHIELD over having a family,” Melinda replied, more tears falling. “You’ve said so since the Academy and it’s- it’s part of the reason I never let myself fall for you when we were younger, because I wanted it. I wanted to be a mom, I wanted to raise a family and be with SHIELD. So I found someone who wanted that too, but then Bahrain happened and I didn’t think I’d ever be fit to be someone’s mother. And then I lost you too but you came back and I tried so hard not to let my feelings get in the way but it’s impossible. I told you I loved you that night, and I meant it Phil.”

“That night, is that when-” he looks at her and she nods, closing her eyes.

The night he’d come back to SHIELD with the boys- the night Gonzales had been killed and Phil had revealed to her he’d been creating a new Academy and that Theta Protocol was put in place should he die and she take over SHIELD. The night she’d finally yelled at him for hiding things from her and keeping secrets; the night he’d finally admitted how much he needed her- the night she’d finally told him she loved him. The night he’d taken her on his desk and they’d started this relationship. The night they’d conceived this child.

“It has to be,” she whispered, eyes still closed. “We’ve been careful every other time, unless you have super sperm that eats through condoms.”

She opens her eyes when his fingers grip her thighs tighter, and he’s looking up at her with this look in his eyes she’s never seen before; like he’s looking at the sun for the first time- there’s wonder and amazement and so much love it nearly chokes her.

“Maybe when I was younger I thought I couldn’t do both,” he starts off, thumbs brushing against her skin. “I thought I could be content with SHIELD as my life, because at least with SHIELD I still had you, even if it wasn’t the way I wanted you. And then I died, and came back, and I realized my life has been pretty empty.”

He cuts himself off when his voice almost breaks, rubbing at his jaw with his hand before he looks back up at her, blue eyes dark and eyelashes wet.

“I love you, Melinda. I’ve loved you for decades, and you are the only person I have ever seen a future with. I want this, so much,” this time his voice does crack, and she reaches for him, pressing her forehead against his as tears fill her eyes again.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” she asks, voice soft. “I love you more than I could ever explain.”

He doesn’t hesitate to lean up and kiss her; his hands cup her face and she lets him steal her breath, fingers tight on the collar of his shirt. She moves back towards the center of the bed, pulling him with her; he moves with her without breaking the kiss, his lips parting over hers as she sighs.

She gets through the rest of the buttons of his shirt quickly, and together they tug it from his shoulders; her hands skim over his chest as he mouths at her neck, humming softly in his ear as she arches in pleasure. His mouth meets hers as she wraps her ankle over his, their hips touching as his hands slide down her torso, bunching up her sleep shirt around her waist.

He moves down her body, stopping when he reaches the hem of her sleep shorts; he presses his lips to her unchanged abdomen, and the mood in the room shifts as Melinda slides her fingers through his hair.

“I love you,” he says as he rests his chin on her hip, fingers pressed to her stomach. She smiles, moving her hand to cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his bottom lip.

“I know,” she replies softly, eyes bright. “Come here.”

After a little shifting, they ended up underneath the covers, wrapped up together. The lights were dim as they discussed some of the logistics of it all; who would take over Skye’s training when she couldn’t any longer, who they’d bring in to fly the Bus, who would step up as his second while she was on leave. She reluctantly agreed to speak with Ward about handling Skye’s training together; while Ward had indeed redeemed himself considerably, Melinda still wasn’t completely sold on his being a full member of the team yet.

“We could bring Sharon in,” Phil suggested, Melinda nodded against his chest, fingers curled around his hip under the covers.

“And I’m sure Maria wouldn’t mind coming in,” she murmured, nose pressed into the t-shirt he’d tugged on. “And Natasha and Clint might want to spend some time with SHIELD, now that they know you’re alive and all.”

Phil sighed softly, fingers running through her hair as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Tony has made some comments about wanting to help out, and Steve has called a few times.”

“They want to help,” Melinda said, pulling back to look up at him, fingers touching his cheek. “They’re your friends, Phil. Let them help.”

“I’ll talk to them tomorrow,” he said into her hair, and she smiled slightly, eyes slipping closed as she curled into him. “Get some sleep.”

“I’m going to tell Skye tomorrow,” she says, yawning as she talks. “So we’ll probably end up having to tell the team tonight, because that child does not know how to keep her mouth shut.”

“What can I say, the kid takes after me,” Phil says, and she rolls her eyes, hitting his chest lightly. “We have to find a doctor too, and soon.”

“I’m sure Jemma knows someone,” Melinda replies, snuggling further into his chest. Phil smiled and held her tighter, turning the lights off completely.

“We’ll figure it out.”

* * *

The next morning, Skye beats Melinda to the training room, which has never happened.

She’s warming up on one of the bags when her SO walks in, except she’s not in her usual tight training get-up, and she looks, quite frankly, a little green.

“May are you okay?” she asks, and the older woman gives her a nod and a smile, taking a small sip from the water bottle she’s carrying.

“I’m fine, Skye,” she answers, getting her feet in position to start tai chi. “We do have to talk, though.”

Those words have never meant anything good to Skye, but she gets into position next to Melinda, following her motions and settling into the rhythm easily. They’re quiet as they flow through the movements, as easy as breathing after so many months together.

“Skye, I’m not going to be training you anymore,” Melinda starts softly, and Skye feels her heart drop to her toes. She stops moving and just stares at the other woman; she’s horrified when she feels the burn of tears in her eyes, but she can’t help it as she feels devastation tear through her body. “I won’t be able to do anything too physical for the next year, so I’ll be passing the physical part of your training over.”

“You’re giving up on me?” Skye asks; she’s embarrassed by the way her voice cracks, but she can’t keep the disappointment out of her tone. She viewed Melinda as the mother figure she deserved, and the fact that she was giving up on her made Skye want to run away.

“Giving up on you?” Melinda asked, confusion coloring her tone as she turned to look at Skye, face falling at the tears Skye was struggling to hold back. She steps forward, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the tears that fall from her lashes. “Oh honey no, I am never going to give up on you. I just can’t spar with you anymore- I’m not allowed to while I’m pregnant.”

“Wait, pregnant? You’re-” Skye cuts herself off when Melinda nods, a soft smile touching her lips as she looks at Skye. Without thinking she throws herself at the older woman, who hugs her back easily, fingers strong against her back.

“I will never give up on you, Skye,” Melinda murmured in her ear, fingers carding through the end of Skye’s ponytail. “You are my daughter and I am going to believe in you for the rest of my life. You are so strong and brave and wonderful, and I am so lucky to get to call you mine.”

“I love you,” Skye whispered, holding her tighter; Melinda smiled, returning the squeeze.

“And I love you,” she murmured, pulling back to look at Skye, brushing away the last of her tears. “I talked it over with Coulson, and I’ll be coordinating with Ward to take over the physical aspect of your training, at least until after the baby is born and I’m fit to be back in the field.”

“Really?” Skye asked, and Melinda nodded, tucking a few stray hairs back behind her ear.

“Really,” she answered, fingers settling on Skye’s shoulders. “But I swear, if he knocks you up before I have this baby, he’s staying locked up in the basement.”

Phil walks in on his two girls laughing; Melinda catches his eye over Skye’s shoulder, her lips curling further into a smile at the sight of him, and he knows everything’s going to be just fine.


End file.
